Have you ever had one of those moments where you say…

“I KNOW what to do.”
“I WANT to do it.”
“But I just… don’t.”

Or worse — you do the opposite.

You eat the thing you promised yourself you wouldn’t.

Skip the walk.

Scroll instead of sleeping.

Say yes when you meant no.
Start again Monday… for the 47th time.

And then comes the self-talk that hits like a slap:

“What is wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I just get it together?”
“I have no willpower.”

Let me tell you something that might feel like a relief…

You’re not weak or lacking in willpower.
And it’s not that you “don’t want it enough.”

A lot of the time, self-sabotage is your nervous system doing its job.

The Nervous System: The Boss Behind Your Behaviour

Your nervous system has one main priority:
✅ keep you safe

Not happy, lean, calm, or confident.

To keep you safe.

And it does this through two main modes:

1) Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest + Digest)

You feel:

• calm
• clear
• patient
• steady
• logical

This is when:

• you can follow a plan
• your appetite feels normal
• you make choices that feel aligned
• you don’t need to white-knuckle your way through

2) Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight / Flight / Freeze)

You feel:

• reactive
• overwhelmed
• anxious
• easily triggered
• emotional
• exhausted but wired

This is when self-sabotage kicks in.

In perimenopause, many women are living in this mode without realising it.

Because hormones are shifting.
Sleep gets interrupted.
Stress tolerance drops.
And the brain becomes more sensitive to overwhelm.

So even if life looks “fine” on the outside, your body can still be running an internal emergency alarm.

My Story: When ‘Discipline’ Stopped Working

I’ve coached women for 15+ years.
And honestly? I used to think discipline was the answer to everything.

I was that woman who could “push through.”
Just work harder.
Be stronger.
Have more control.

Until I 2023 when my body basically said. “I don’t think so!”

I was juggling business, clients, family life, study, life pressure… and hormones starting to do their thing.

And suddenly my old methods stopped working.

I felt overwhelmed, so I’d stop eating (as a recovered anorexic, I’m not an emotional eater, I turn to a different sabotage, I just stop eating).
The more stressed I got, I’d stay up too late even though I desperately needed sleep, trying to ‘wind down’.

And the more I tried to control it, the worse it got.

That’s when I realised something that changed everything for me — and now changes everything for my clients:

Self-sabotage is not your personality; it’s your nervous system trying to regulate you and keep you safe.

What Self-Sabotage Actually Is (In Nervous System Terms)

When your body is stressed, it will look for the fastest way to feel safe again.

Not the healthiest or the smartest way, the fastest.

So, if your nervous system has learned, through your behaviour habits, that:

🍫 Food = comfort
📱 Scrolling = escape
🍷 Wine = calm down
🛏️ Avoiding = safety
🏃‍♀️ Overtraining = control
✅ People pleasing = belonging

…then those behaviours become automatic.

These are learned behaviours that you have adopted as habits.
So your body turns to them because it’s trying to reduce stress the quickest way it knows how.

That’s why you can be SO motivated in the morning…

And by 5pm you’re eating like someone else took over your body.

Because by then:

• your stress hormones have been rising all day, instead of lowering as the day draws to an end
• so your nervous system is fried
• decision fatigue is super high, therefore rational thinking is out the door
• and your emotional capacity is super low

And then the brain goes:

“Quick. We need relief.”

Enter sabotage.

The Perimenopause Factor (Why This Gets Worse After 40)

“I never used to be like this.” Yep, I hear you!

The fact is, no, you probably weren’t like that.

In perimenopause:

• oestrogen starts dropping
• progesterone fluctuates
• cortisol sensitivity increases
• sleep gets disrupted
• blood sugar becomes harder to regulate

As a result, your nervous system becomes easier to trigger.

So no, you’re not imagining it.
You’re not being dramatic.
And you’re not a failure.

You’re just living in a body that’s evolving and needs you to evolve with it.

How to Break the Pattern (Without Willpower)

When cortisol is elevated, rational thinking is reduced by around 30%.

So, in the thick of a stressful moment or event, you are not going to rationally choose a better strategy. Remember, your brain is trying to keep you safe. So it’s going to instantly turn to what it knows best, sabotage behaviours.

You need to practice changing those behaviours during rational times.

Step 1: Create ‘safe’ behaviours

Practice these daily or every few days, so they become new behaviour habits.

This might look like:

• Box breathing (4-4-4-4)
• Journaling with intent
  • Reflect on your day, looking at it from a bird’s eye view.
  • What can you see that you missed in the moment?
  • What lessons can you take out of that scene?
  • What could you do next time?
  • Don’t just write about the day and relive it; journal with intent.
• Walking on sand, soil or in water, bare foot (known as grounding)
• A short walk
• Sitting in the sun
• Read a fiction book
• Phone a friend
• Do something for yourself by yourself for 10 minutes each day

Step 2: Stop shaming yourself

The shame is fuel to the stress response.

Shame says: “I’m unsafe.”
Your body responds: “Then I need comfort NOW.”

Step 3: Learn your triggers

Instead of “Why am I like this?”
Ask:

• When do I sabotage most?
• What emotion am I feeling in that moment?
• What was I needing that I didn’t give myself?

Step 4: Regulate before you respond

This is huge.

Before you eat, binge, react, scroll, self-destruct…
Regulate.

This is where your new behaviour habits come in.

Even just 2 minutes.

Try:

• Box breathing
• grounding
• a short walk
• a glass of water
• journaling with intent
• getting out of the room (change of scenery)
• Keep scrolling
• Put your device away
• Go for a bath

Not because these are magic…
But because they interrupt the survival loop.

Step 4: Build new safety strategies

This is where we create long-term change.

Your body learns:
“I can feel stress and still be safe.”
“I don’t need food to regulate.”
“I can soothe myself without self-destructing.”

That’s self-leadership.

And it changes EVERYTHING.

The Real Goal Isn’t Control…

It’s safety.

Because when your nervous system feels safe:

• cravings reduce
• emotional eating decreases
• sleep improves
• mood stabilises
• consistency becomes natural
• confidence builds from within

Because your system isn’t fighting for survival anymore.

Want Help With This?

If you’re reading this thinking…

“Yep. That’s me.”

And you’re ready to stop self-sabotaging and feel in control again,

👉 Book a Strategy Session with me.
We’ll uncover what’s driving your patterns, identify what you actually need, and map out a plan that suits this stage of your life.

Book a Strategy Call HERE 💜

Because you don’t need more pressure.
You need better support.

• Coach Terri Batsakis